back to skool...

got called up to do relief teaching today.... jumped into clothes and make-up and was out of the house in 15 minutes. hailed a cab and made it down to the school within an hour. traffic was a killer...

a buddhist school. it's racial harmony day.

"Good afternoon class."
"Good afternoon Miss Xie."
"ok, your teacher is absent today. do your own work ok?"
"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
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"Miss Xie, are you Mdm K(not her real name)'s friend?"
"Yes, I am Mdm K's friend."
"so you'll do anything she says?"
(i pause and stop myself.)
"i'm just taking over her today. do your work."
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"Miss Xie! Can you tell us a joke?"
(immediately an audience of 5-6 7 year olds gather round the teacher's desk.)
"ok, i'll ask you all a riddle : how do you spell 'blind pig'?"
(some in unison, others a little slower:)
"B.L.I.N.D.P.I.G!"
"wrong. it's B.L.N.D.P.G.... because it has no eyes!!"
(laughter)
"Miss Sia, what do you get when a bat bites a man's brain?"
"i dunno."
"batman!"
"What about when a spider bites a man's arm?"
"spiderman?"
(giggle)
"Miss Xie, what is the difference between a baby dinosaur and a dragon?"
"i dunno, what?"
"a dragon can smoke but a baby dinosaur cannot."
(laughter)
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PUPIL BEHAVIOUR RECORD (record book of naughty deeds)

• bit a friend (Benjamin)
• ran up hall to class (w/out teacher) hit the gong (buddhist hall)
• talk, talk and talk endlessly
• insulted and called the buddha stature 'stupid'

What i learnt in skool today:

1. girls are not allowed to sit in boy's places
2. men and dinosaurs are alike because they both die
3. kids love pokemon
4. 'ditto' is a transforming pokemon
5. fat kids perspire the most
6. the 'eraser game' transcends generations
7. when 2 erasers collide, they make the sound 'cheekaboom'
8. the class monitor does a better job at keeping the class quiet than a relief teacher
9. you cannot shout over a class of 40 noisy eight year olds
10. you can try and get laughed at trying
11. let recalcitrant kids lie