dreamt it

but then just once
maybe the only ever
you came close to me
nearer than normal
nearer than words
or careless whispers
in the silence of the room.

and since we were both
unplanned, unwell, unavailable,
we let the moment
pass between us.

between furtive glances
and transient brushes by
between the split second of
a racing heart,
two hands let go.

i woke up
unexpectedly bare
from a dream
slipping through the fingers
of my recent memory.

so you're with her,
but that's ok
because i have
the dream of you and me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

i laugh. i don't know what's so funny... but everything around me seems to smile back at me, bloom for me, turn over for me. even the posters on the walls, or the gum in my mouth that resembles the bluetack in my hands.. and the people walking their dogs, or the memory of a friend, or typing the word 'home' on my pbl that rekindles my memories of a cottage house with a warm fire place and jelita and hawker food and orchard road. and even the little idiosyncracies of a new friend intrigues me, like the little flakes of snow from a flash-flood of ice. and the sun that shines and bursts forth from the snow-storm while i'm worshipping You. and the light of Your love that floods my face and the look of delight in the people i make smile and the laughter of Your children and the laughter of peace and the laughter of laughers who know better.