blood and sweat flow mingled down

it is lent... how many times i've actually remembered to remember, i forget......how often we busy up our lives to the point where God is so distant, so far away, so not part of your life, outside your circle of friends, outside your consciousness...not there?
i've come clean. this morning, one of the dwindling number of mornings i actually sat with You and talked to you, had breakfast with You, put aside my notes, put aside my worries, put aside my anxieties, my cares, my concerns about the exam, my selfish thoughts of me, me, me... and paid You the homage you deserve... remembering what You did those 2000 years ago on that day of the unexplained darkening, the day of that unexplained earthquake, the day of that unexplained death........
the ultimate death that defeated all deaths.
and yet, with that, so many unknowns...so much yet to be revealed...- just like Life. just like my life. and it is so easy to be afraid..it is so easy to think it's not okay...

but No! the death that defeated all deaths, the empty crown upon the empty throne. (was all of heaven crying on the day you left???)... the robes of majesty laid aside, the blood and sweat flow mingled down, the pain of hurt and anger and solitude and darkness and sin and disease and unbelief and rejection and pain.. how could You have let them do that to you???
why did you die for me? what kind of God...?





silence








but no, You say it is okay. and You ask me to take Your hands..and then i understand. and i know now, that for this Love, it was okay.