MB3ChB

MY LIFE. period.

'Synovial fibroblasts have high levels of the adhesion molecule, vascular cell adhesion molecule (VCAM-1) , a molecule which supports B lymphocyte survival and differentiation, and of decay accelerating factor (DAF), a factor that prevents complement-induced cell lysis. These molecules may facilitate the formation of ectopic lymphoid tissue in synovium.'
- Kumar & Clarke. Clinical Medicine. 5th Ed. W.B. Saunders. Edinburgh. 2002. Rheumatoid Arthritis. pg 538.

so amidst studying for the year 3 finals (2 weeks!!! !$%^&$*#@$%^@##) i have taken to relieving my stress by fanatically baking... carrot cake is oh so yummy... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... pity the expanding pannus in RA isn't exactly the perfect appetiser...

meanwhile, besides books and a brain i've pre-emptied of the following :

-childhood memories
-conversational skills
-simple mathematical manipulation
-people's names
-methods of having fun

i've added :
1. coffeee.. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF COFFEE.
2. prayer. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF PRAYER.

to the mix, stirred it all together and.. voila! that's carol's secret of success! ahhh.... now if this caffeine-induced headahce would just subside....

 

7 minutes

... and she thought she had the truth by the collar, she thought she knew truth through and through, inside to outside, she thought she lived truth and truth slept with her and whispered to her day by day. but then one day she awoke to find that truth had gone. truth had gone to sleep with another. and she was lost, and she was desperate for truth again. because the world was darkened and nothing made sense to her as it used to. so she searched the earth for truth, but truth was nowhere to be found.... and then the big man said to her, "sometimes the search for truth is more important that the truth itself." and she let that relative truth hang in her head for a while. she let it sink, she soaked it in, she half-bought it and she analysed it, never letting that relative truth get the better of her, for she was the wiser... and then she eventually accepted that the truth was a whisper in days like these and with acceptance came the responsibility of attaining the standards of the truth, the way and the life. and so she buckled it round her waist, and hope glittered her steps and her courage was blind faith. she knew not what lay ahead of her, but she knew she was going to be fine. :) 

random hearts

we are all entitled to our own insecurities. but do we dare take that leap? do we dare take His word for real and apply it to our lives and to just GO and live. to go and dream, to dare to live? do we? do we dare force ourselves into awkward situations and force ourselves to jump out of the box and to push harder and fly higher and fight on? do we? does it make a difference whether or not we get what we want in life? does it make a difference whether or not we try? is there a difference between wanting and working for it? is self-worth a currency too dear for us to afford? jeremiah 29 and deut 28. how many dreams have we swallowed? how many dreams have we let fade into non-existence? how many words of our own have we eaten? how many resolutions have we broken? were they worth the ineffort? psalm 90. because it is Your work You have called us to do too. but how do i know? i know because of the very fact that i'm doing them now. cos if it was something else, You would have made it different. And if it's not meant to be forever, it will only be for a season, and You will make that change, i need not worry, i need not fuss. I need not work as hard as the other people who do not pray... but fortunately for myself, i am a woman of prayer. psalm 109.

it's true, what weiyao said... about hating what he hates. he has made me come to hate it too.. but... sometimes it's not in my control.. is this? my soliloquy is getting a little rhetorical. who will bounce with me? it is looking bleak tonight....

a day in the life of

once upon a time there was a bouncy yellow ball who had no friends. he wasn't like any of the other bouncy yellow balls.. this bouncy yellow ball had appendages.. lots of them. and he was ugly. u.g.l.y. ugly. then one day, it was sunny and this bouncy yellow ball was taken out of his lonely home and brought to the kelvingrove park, where he was thrown about, flung, caught, snatched. he flew through the air in quick passes, lobs, pops! he was snatched about, his appendages pulled, he was pulled at from all directions from different pairs of hands! he had never felt so wanted, so ALIVE! for once in his lifetime, he found that his appendages were useful for something after all! it was so easy to catch the bouncy yellow ball from one of his long appendages! never before had he been so wanted, so sought after!
"everyone wants me today! they can't get their hands off of me and they're beating each other up and tackling each other, trampling on top of each other and running after me wherever i go!" he thought.

and so it was on that fateful sunday that the bouncy yellow ball lived. and what a gloriously happy ball he was after that.

the end.

dead and buried

meanwhile, amidst 'colon scoppee and the infinite madness' of studying the whole of the GI system in two days, i have taken to finding an outlet of relieving my braincells of the arduous imbibing demanded on them by the masters of medicine.... and since there is

(a) no music room
(b) no guitar

in the study landscape, i shall take to blogging wrecklessly about nothing at all, based on no objective evidence, based on no rational thought...

click to view the enemies.

click me! for: The Future of the British, as anticipated by the goverment....

meanwhile, God, You're so funny, yes You are! haha... i'm laughing, but i'm also delighted to hear more of what You have to say... *grin*

and everyone should come to maggie's hk cafe, especially if you're:
(a) hungry
(b) stressed
(c) bored
(d) interested in chinese servitude
(e) missing asia
(f) like me, all of the above.

......

carol's current neuronal synaptic saturation : 30%

blood and sweat flow mingled down

it is lent... how many times i've actually remembered to remember, i forget......how often we busy up our lives to the point where God is so distant, so far away, so not part of your life, outside your circle of friends, outside your consciousness...not there?
i've come clean. this morning, one of the dwindling number of mornings i actually sat with You and talked to you, had breakfast with You, put aside my notes, put aside my worries, put aside my anxieties, my cares, my concerns about the exam, my selfish thoughts of me, me, me... and paid You the homage you deserve... remembering what You did those 2000 years ago on that day of the unexplained darkening, the day of that unexplained earthquake, the day of that unexplained death........
the ultimate death that defeated all deaths.
and yet, with that, so many unknowns...so much yet to be revealed...- just like Life. just like my life. and it is so easy to be afraid..it is so easy to think it's not okay...

but No! the death that defeated all deaths, the empty crown upon the empty throne. (was all of heaven crying on the day you left???)... the robes of majesty laid aside, the blood and sweat flow mingled down, the pain of hurt and anger and solitude and darkness and sin and disease and unbelief and rejection and pain.. how could You have let them do that to you???
why did you die for me? what kind of God...?





silence








but no, You say it is okay. and You ask me to take Your hands..and then i understand. and i know now, that for this Love, it was okay.

BLB

so picture this... bright, sunny, beautiful mid-spring day, flowers are out, scents are in the air, skies are blue, squirrels are out and about from their squirrel homes and everyone's got their shades, children and dogs out... and the first thing that comes to my mind this morning is, "i need to properly revise pneumonia today before revision session with the guys. what should i pack for lunch and should i have filter coffee or should i have instant coffee instead? but first, what shall i have for breakfast.. but wait, i had an early dinner last night, but i'm not feeling hungry!! but that's probably because my stress response has dampened my sensitivity to hunger with various hormonal systems.. these include ACTH.. what does ACTH do again???......" and then, as i pick up my M.A.C. concealer (works miracles!), ready to put on my makeup before the routine trip to the library and i think, "MAC - mycobacterium avium complex. yesss! i can remember what it stands for!" and then hours later, over at rob's flat, i let out a massive outburst at the mention of the mitchell library and had to confess to 3 other medics that i do love spending time in libraries and it was then that i realised, "oh my goodness, carol, you are such a geek!!!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

the best tasting leftovers in glasgow tonight.

meanwhile, it is soooo hard to find food that hits a spot in these chinese-deprived british cities... arghs... leaving me to my own devices... *grumble* i totally miss it in singapore when u can have a taste in mind, walk out of the door, come back in a half hour with just the right snack / dish to satiate your craving... it's totally not happening here... disgusting! what i need right now would be those bo luo buns from crystal jade kitchen... oh my word.. what i would give for one of those right now.... bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun bo luo bun...

watch this space.

watch this space : LENT BLOG 2006 .

no other

"Remember the former things,
those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the begining,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please."
-Isaiah 46:9-10