once your needs are fulfilled, u realise that u can be back to normal again...
gartmore.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
- Proverbs 13:12
the national scottish cmf conference at gartmore was amazing. of note was:
sooo... since coming back from london, i've had a renewed obsession with goth ways...
now, if only i had the time to dress goth. but... i guess if i had the privilege, i'd also ask for the time to do more important things, like... have a decent social life... read and reply letters and emails, sort out the bills, etc etc....
alas, i am condemned to the futility of the musings of the workaholic...
"We are condemned to futile efforts, and our happiest moments are those in which our consciousness deludes itself with the dream that its constructions are perceptible and meaningful to others"-- Beckett
today i watched in silence as a star fell from the sky, as a leaf fell from the tree...as it gave up its life and descended. today i watched, helpless, not knowing the words to say, as a soul cried, as a boy died, as the world swept by, not giving a care or even a nod as a life was lost. today, i watched as Beauty faded away, as Life lost meaning, as Man failed. today, i watched, as a stranger to this sadness, i watched and i didn't know what to say to them, because they could never understand... today i watched as i was helpless, my words powerless in the face of humans and their way of knowing that they know best... today, i watched, helpless, and so very sad. joy... is not the absence of pain, but the presence of God.
the combined effect of Medicine and Immunity in Health and Disease has the corollary of robbing me of my conversational skills, my vocabulary and my creativity. the limits of the human mind in terms of delving into different subjects is evident of late. spreading out = lack of depth = a jack of all traits and a master of none. but hyperfocusing (the direction i seem to be headed) has left me with little to say about other aspects of Life. (which contributes to the paucity of blog entries of late)
of note was the case study of the one time i deviated from my usual west end / city centre hangouts and ventured into the wild realms of greater glasgow... that day just utterly threw me off.. i was struck, so much by the randomness of the place, the novelty of taking a public bus in the middle of the night, the thickness of the working class accent, the sight of the teenage mum pushing her child in a pram, the druggie stumbling along the path, a dwelling that was not a student flat! my goodness... i balked at my naivete! i was never so dissociated that i actually FORGOT what the rest of the world was like.. damnnit, i need a holiday.... and non-medic friends, and time to relax and see the big picture, to listen, to speak less, to refresh my eyes... i hate going round in circles..
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anyhow, halloween and trick or treating was great fun like... cheap wine + non-medics + heavy metal music + crazy costumes = a merry, merry night.
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a tribute:
kenneth and xiaoling-
the lovely people who delivered the doughy goodness of a krispy kreme all the way from london to me. i'm sorry, i know i was meant to take a photo of it before eating it...
ivanna-
the lovely lady who turns 21 today!
