je ne sai pai

well, apart from having an extremely eventful Christmas up in Aberdeen shire, where I perhaps, was a bit impolite in indulging myself in a little English history (much to the chagrin of my doric host)... I have learnt a few interesting facts outside of medicine these past few weeks:

1) the Grampian highlands are home to 10% of the stone circles found in the U.K... such as theseee:
2) a study done on 13,000 nuns in 1952 found none of them to have cervical cancer

3) the Met office is still classifed under Britain's war defence system

4) Elvis Presley origins were from Aberdeenshire.right, ok so i lied... but 3 out of 4 facts that were unrelated to medicine isn't too bad.... meanwhile photos from my trip!

save now

"What is this thing that happens with age? Why does everyone want to pervert love and, suck it bone dry of all its glory? Why do you bother to call it love anymore?" - Don Juan

the news today: cigarettes, suicide and mental health

smoking news
so with the new anti-smoking images in place, people who smoke are now forced to come face to face with the consequences of their habit.

i wonder if the people who had allowed this to happen were presented with the same picture of the future would still have gone ahead with it...

"The Bishop of Derby, the Rt Rev Dr Alastair Redfern, added: "I'm horrified by the actions of these people

"I hope they feel deeply ashamed. Here was a very troubled person crying out for help. What he needed was attention, not abuse."

Mike Shewan, chief executive of Derbyshire Mental Health Services NHS Trust, said: "We can't condemn this sort of behaviour strongly enough. No-one knows what was going on in his head, but encouraging him to jump is so wrong."

- taken from the telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/3108987/Suicide-teenager-urged-to-jump-by-baying-crowd.html)

obvious conclusions aside, i wonder how it had come to this. what had led to this avoidable tragedy from taking place in a society like ours. goading a man to take his own life... geez. it's like battle royale, except with less hassle and less blood on one's hands...
or is this just one of the few instances in the media when man's depravity did actually make it to headlines?
not great news to be witnessed at a time such as this, i expect.


but i think the thing that troubled me the most was hearing this account of a friend of 17 year old Shaun Dykes:

(paraphrased) "Shaun just did what he had to do, he had to leave behind his studies, his life and move on to a better place."

he "did what he had to do"... mmmmmm.... suicide as something we have to do... ...


just a little bit worrying, no?

To let

How the humble stick beats us just as we remember to forget.
Challenged to look beyond the personality to the character - will we let Him permeate our disease?

There is no cure, only salvation.







"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" - Romans 7:24

the wind.

was jogging along some dusty roads in seminyak, bali, when i passed by these rice fields. the way the flags caught the wind was just so beautiful i had to run back to get my camera...

the big burr hole

And so here i am again,
falling at your feet..
falling, fallen, found...
Dead, i give up.
As Mr Frost once said:
it goes on.
And so it does..
but not without the relentless
assaults.
The frequent backwashings
of what we term
human nature.
But we hurt each other again and again
and it never ends.
I chose to be of more glorious company,
and yet... and yet..
some things are not in our choosing:
Some things we were brought into...

Why we are all so confused?
He scoffs at them.. the One laughs...
He rebukes them,
But now, not so terrifyingly...
The nudges..
that
we
feel
oh
so
often
but
so
often
we
do
not
respond.

Kiss Him, lest he be angry.

I choose to be in more glorious Company.

work moderately, play moderately.

keeping it real, but at the same time without being heavy-handed. oh the obtrusiveness of these other-classes.... the sign of these times that we are in, despite trying to conglomerate the two, we whizzed past the shop of east meets east. but then when and where do we fall? in between the trenches? the trenches or would they be deemed as the middle-ground. the... permissive hybrids?

but who is that with the quizzical brow and the golden locks? would there be a more archetypal prototype, despite the political-correctness of the audience, we balked in a totally scottish manner and poured foolishness over our reputations. the minutes lasted for hours but all in good stead.


meanwhile, this is london :

also, cherries are the best fruits... the iniquity of english cooks has been replaced by the ingenuity of the mixing pot that is londonium. thank goodness for the French, Italians and Japanese...

the Gift

a sudden revelation. a sudden heartsink. a sudden... drop. can it be termed an epiphany if it was something i had known before?

nothing else matters, not money, not fame, not intelligence, not beauty, not looks, not status... only Love. only love conquers all, only Love, only Love has the way.

dinner last night... why that kinship with him over him... for once i did not stand on the side of intelligence.. for once i stood on the side of the underdog, for once i chose His side. the dull cup. but it was true...

2 m 13. a teacher. it could only be a Gift...

oyster

Returning from a long weekend of camping up in Garve and a night at the lovely Barber's residence up in Dingwall, i'm absolutely shattered and ready for bed.

It was massive fun on our wee camping adventure. Pitching tents, lugging sleeping bags and mats, picking firewood, starting a fire, cooking pasta on a gas-stove and sleeping in tents while a relentless rainstorm battered away at our tents was definitely a truly Scottish adventure.
Of note was watching Callum, Gill and Rachel swim in the icy coldness of the waterfall, dolphin watching, camping, sleeping in tents, teamwork banter and meeting Callum's interesting friends from Englandshire.

But all these adventures and all these months left in Glasgow has just left me pining for London even more....
Paris (3 weekends ago!), on the other hand, was definitely somewhere i could see myself live in... Ack, I just love big cities, period.... LOOONNNNDDOOONNNN IN 6 DAYYYSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! *excitement*

you will love england.

so today was the assessment day for the end of my first medicine block...

i was told that i was definitely in the top 80th centile of medical students that my consultant has seen. This is more than twice times i've been told this by at least two different consultants... So maybe i am that good....... he said that i retain information very well, have great clinical judgement and have a fantastic memory. (except for most things non-medical, i'm sure he didn't notice..)

but he also said it would be really easy to just pass me right by and neglect me for my capabilities because i never really express them across. but it's not that i'm not confident, i'm just humble! humility is to admired too, isn't it, isn't it????? on the otherhand, if you don't blow your own trumpet, noone else will blow it for you. point taken, dr S. carol shall now be shoving her intelligence down all your throats, whether you can accept it or not.. awright, big bad medcine world, be prepared for my mind.

and then my previous consultant said i was quiet! QUIET?? me, quiet?? i'm never quiet! i dislike quiet people! i'm not shyyy!! i was just too busy to make friends! (as i usually am...)

right. so basically, i need to express my knowledge more and make a better effort to build rapport with colleagues.. i suppose my humility will not fail me now.

into the ether

so why is it that the _______ are always leaving? coming and going, flitting and flirting, waxing and waning, how moon-like... corticosteroid excess, i do hope not. complex psychoanalytical issues regarding my fears and inner desires aside, it is possibly because the element of their character that drives them to be such peripatetics is what ___ in the first place.
but is this world moving toward one where relatonships are built on fast-chats on skype, bittey-images on web cameras, messages left while we were offline and electronic roses? are man's social interactions going electronic?
mebbe that's the real reason why Britian just can't be bothered with their neighbours anymore... it's rather sad, i reckon. especially when sitting on the tube for an hour entails an hour of silence, head buried in book, or ipod securedly fastened in ear canals... when we are brushing shoulders with a fellow travelling camarade headed in the same direction. nay, we would rather return to our box-apartments, connect to the internet and search for online dating agencies .... where one can be whoever they want to be, say whatever they want to say, reveal as much as they are comfortable with and never have to prove or justify any of their self-proclaimed strengths or watered-down weaknesses... sometimes until it is too late.

MEDness: am to pm...

i'm back in HOSPITALSSS! WOOOOOHOOOOOOPPEEEE DOOOOOOO my lifeee is backkk to normal again!!

aye, although 5 weeks of the GP chat and black coffee on tap was fun while it lasted, i definitely think hospitals are my true love... ohh yeahhh.. now if only they had proper caffetieres in wards as opposed to rubbish maxwell / nescafe coffee grounds. eeewwwuuuckkk...

so yes... life is gettin back on track for little ol carrol.. :)

meanwhile.. party photos....sleeveface at jim's.

optimo - still the best night in glasgow

meanwhile, carol is thinking she needs to think less and do more...

it will take more than a heavy rain to silence us

cake update: after about 2.5 weeks of cake-practice, carol has finally been awarded, (by fed friends from all over the west end) the GOOD BAKER AWARD. *applauseeee*

ayee. so now that that's sorted, NEXT HOBBY PLEASEEE!


yes, the cake-eating event was covered mucho by the press.. thankfully, the participants managed to get away with their identities.....




gig update:

it's true... carol's in love with chris carrabba.. especially after that saucy video "stolen".. yes chris, if you're reading this, i want your babies.. yes. we will make many guitar-playing babies, you and me.. i may not be half-japanese, but hey, i can be whatever you want me to be, love...it's a match made in heaven, surely... "so please, hello, i'm waitin..... i think i'd be good for you, and you'd be good for me...."

glasgow update:
after mucho contemplation, i decided to REJECT an offer to swop for a medicine block at dumfries... why? because... glasgow is the only place i wanna be right now.. why? cos of you peeeeps!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo

reaping and sewing

so after a long spate of much eating out and staying in, i've decided to take it a note lower to eating in and staying in for this stretch... other than giving me time to reflect on how i shouldthe task at hand...

cranberry and mascarpone sponge cake. lemon drizzle cake.

endeavour to be more of a domestic goddess, it's also given me time to enjoy the company of close friends huddled in my tropically-temperatured living room watching the weird and wonderful films available on dvd....


meanwhile, we've learnt (the funny way) that english-dubbed cantonese films just does nae work....

priceless lines from Hardboiled:

1. " There's no need to kill my men, Jonny!"
   Alan: "He's right, Johnny, no need to waste bullets on shit."
   
2. "You saved the day, piss-pot!"
   
3. "Give the guy a gun and he's superman, give him two and he's god."
   
   

meanwhile, everyone in need of some good eye candy should click overrr here. i've been at it all night... ;p

BAGELLLLLLLL

oh goodness meee... i'm having a craving for salt beeeefff bageelllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


aye, that's right... where be the fantastic saltiness of bagels in wee Glasgaeee?

anyhoowww, i have decided to take up a newww hobby!!!image from www.alelale.com

yipppppp yippp yippp!! i shall hone maaa domestikal skills... friends, be warned. the plague of the plush dolls might be upon u yet....

meanwhile, carol is in dire need of a weekend trip.. any takers??

a sign of the times

We lead such degenerate, devolving lives and yet we look to blame someone other than ourselves. God came to give us His Love and Life and His book. "Here is a guide to good living. Here is a place where you can find me and my people. Here is a person to come in times of your troubles, Here is a place to belong." and yet we relentlessly reject Him... We really only have ourselves to blame.

credence

O love that will not let me go.. Who's the lucky guy? Lucky? I don't know... The weather this week is going to be horrid. There's something very sobering about going into a big supermarket... I seldom, if not never, ever watch the news or read the newspapers. They are very full of themselves, aren't they? I love you very much. I hope you are watching... Well, it sounds crap so I think you should just stay out and get a drinkk.... makes us forgetful of truth. Surrounded by sceptics. You just need to have an aim in life. None of your beeswax. Your story just keeps getting better and better... There will be no new revelation until you go there. Mei Ling, I know you...

It's uncanny how people can surprise you. It's so beguiling of life to be so much scarier and sublime than fiction. Beguiling, but also surreal... Beguilingly surreal: sin is always more insidious than humans imagine, true love forces us to muster up more so much more courage and strength than we naturally possess and grown men still fight battles that bring them to their knees. yes, life... ... is more unbelievable than fantasy.

so clear

to be tuned, as such, to be following the guiding light of red and orange, to turn a green, to be resonant. as such, i am to be tuned. i am to persuade my flesh to be trained into this fit, into this touch, this model.

there was the dream of a lady's mien, whose porcelain imperfections weren't so different from any of ours, and whose ideas were lost as soon as we stopped listening. but the reminder of our frailty, that's what keeps us in need of something greater.