what can i say

you know how your hair always looks the best the day before you want to get it cut...
or how you know there's something you have to do but just can't bring yourself to do it?

the trend of the universe

when He opens up His heart to you and shows you the darkness of the world, of what grieves His Spirit, will you be able to take it? will you be able to stand firm, despite all this evil in the world? like a thick miasma that swallows everyone, top to toe, outside to inside? and despite all this, to stand firm?

You have put this burden in my heart for months now, more strongly last night and all of this morning.. and then i turn to the news, and this is what i see. death, destruction, nature's evil toil on people, livelihoods, regardless of families, homes, institutions of security, governments, morals...

Jesus said, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, I have sent them into the world." - john 17:15-18

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

and this is only of what can be seen.. what of all the things unseen? like lies, like evil intentions, of scheming, of plotting, of deceit, of hypocrisy, of hatred, of anger, of selfish ambition?? what has brought us from unspoilt, untainted, untouched babies in swaddling clothes to where we are today?

"We have all contributed, directly or indirectly, to this sad state of affairs. We have been to blind to see, or too timid to speak out, or too self-satisfied to desire anything better than the poor, average diet with which others appear satisfied. To put it differently, we have accepted one another's notions, copied one another's lives and made one another's experiences the model for our own. And for a generation the trend has been downward. Now we have reached a low place of sand and burnt wire-grass and, worst of all, we have made the Word of Truth conform to our experience and accepted this low plane as the very pasture of the blessed." - 'The pursuit of God' by A.W. Tozer, pg 50


But there is a way out under it!
For You have come to save.
And may men know the power that is in
Your name.
The name that devils dread.
For your path is a highway
For all who behold and come,
To see the glory that is within.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance and knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life..." - 2 corinthians 2:14-16

a friend of mine once asked me recently why i like to litter my conversations with verses from the bible.. i told him it's because it is the only Truth that we have in this world. and that, the world cannot take.

heart failure

just reading over my previous angsty post made me realise how angsty a post it is. i think an explanation is needed... a lot of the time the general public think christians are narrow-minded and foolish for believing everything the bible says.. but the fact of the matter is that it's certain non-christians who are narrow minded for not looking at all the overwhelming evidence of the authenticity of the bible, the gaping loopholes of the theory of evolution and the facts that point to the reality that there is a supreme creator of the universe. right, enuff said. whoever wants to find out more will take it up in a conversation with me, cos everything written is potentially misconstrued..

anyhow.. i just rejected an offer of a free all-expenses-paid trip to the big smoke that is london.. oh my goodness... i did what? i think i need to go sit down...

meanwhile, having the time to do as i please in terms of planning my ssm timetable is highly risky... i've been in only 1 full day on tuesday. an hour on wed and an hour on thurs.. although it's looking up cos now i've somehow managed to convince mcniece that we can't be idle and feel like real medics at the same time.. so we've decided to be dilligent and head in for morning wardrounds on friday.. i know.. i'm quite the eager-beaver.

non-maleficience.

"at some point, you have to make a decision. boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. life is messy, that's how we're made...so you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them... but there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross... here's what i know. if you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side.. is spectacular. " - dr. grey from 'Grey's Anatomy'

amy's birthday. mahjong night. bar brel's amazing guitar man.

epon. johhny depp is beautiful. brel man. summer flowers.

so life after exams has been amazing. it's so wonderful to be able to sleep easy again, to be able to read non-medical books and catch up with friends outwith medicine. what have i been up to? sleeping more than i should, reading, warm birthday dinners, bar-banter, gigs, steamboat dinner, late night tesco shopping with pete, 8am ward rounds at stobhill, thinking of how i should start cardiac failure coursework, etc etc...

boom monk ben+dj food+bigg taj at the glasgow school of art

so yes, started my first day at stobhill on tuesday for my cardiac failure ssm, which saw my longest day in med school... up at 6am, ward round at 8am, followed by echos, exercise tolerance tests and reading lots and lots of ecgs, was only home by 5 yesterday.. had dinner and passed out on my bed....more of the same for the next 4 weeks or so... with an essay on the multipharmacy of heart failure at the end of it. can't complain really, this is what it's alllll about! right.. off to stobhill this afternoon for more heart-hunting..

the fact of the matter

i am sick and tired of all this no-such-thing-as-religion shit. it is a non-substantiated argument, something non-evidence based and totally irrational. just because God and the Holy Spirit are invisible does not mean they're not there. and I am so sick of people questioning and being doubtful of a Christian's experience of the Spiritual realm when they know nothing of this dimension. not experiencing is not the same as not being real. what i also abhor is how free thinkers think they're free thinkers... well.. let's face it... a free thinker is never free. even worse are the free thinkers who claim a belief in all religions and teachings and claim they're 'not religious, but spiritual'. well, let me just say that they are not spiritual. their spiritual faculties are not alive. they do not listen to God's voice, they are not led by the promptings of the Holy Spirit, they are not overflowing with the Holy Spirit, they have never uttered a word of prophecy, they have never let their lips be led into tongues, they have never heard the Word spoken into their lives, dividing bone and marrow, body and spirit, they have never healed the sick, they have never discerned spirits, they have never opened their spiritual eyes to all the workings of the body of Christ... they allow the world to shape their beliefs and their morals and they plan their actions based on what mans' opinions, which is as careless as the wind. an atheist is a person who believes there can be no God. i repeat, believe. a Christian, on the other hand, is free to believe that everything in life is according to a divine purpose of God's will in their life. we are truly free to accept adversities and blessings in a graceful manner, to be able to live out God's will, listen to the Holy Spirit and achieve success in whatever areas in life God has decided to bless us with. i repeat. a Christian is truly free.


there is nothing the world can take from me. Christians are the most fearless people in the world.
"The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" -psalm 118:6

the end has just begun

sooo0000.. what do 3rd year glasgow medics do after their exams???

we.......

... pimp each other out...

try to elicit the pupil light reflex in pubs

me.gillian.douglas's hand.
get to know hot nurses...

richard.
humiliate our ourselves and our colleagues publicly...

me.rob.

jack.

me.max.
raise our LFTs...

get to sleep at 4am, shattered from the backlog of sleep from the past few weeks of the S word, wake up at 7am the following morning anyways just cause that's what we're used to, and spend the rest of the following day nursing our battered brains...

17 hours...

carol's neuronal saturation : 100%

72 hours encounting...

i know i'm studying too hard when i dream that i'm a teenage mutant ninja turtle and i've got cancer of the mitral valve and i'm having a duel with remesh (my gp partner) who's a teenage mutant ninja turtle too, who's got cancer of the knee joint...
*groggy*

come here... ....closer

there is this sinking feeling and it won't go away and it won't go away and it won't go away... why am i the only one who feels this? why do you sing hallelujah if it means nothing to ya? why? WHY?? there is not enough time...

convectional

i live for thunderstorms.

on a night like this in singapore, i would be:
sitting in my room with the windows open, looking out into street lamps as the rainwater hits the glass panes. shouting to Chance, who'd probably be hiding under the car in the porch, scared of the thunder, wet, cold and smelly. curled up, in my cotton shirt and shorts, sitting on my pillows, thinking of how beautiful the rain makes things...

but here i am, halfway around the world, in glasgow. in the library, reminiscing of home, of Orchard road, of clementi and yong tao foo and fish noodles and dao huay and being hot and sweaty, wiping the sweat off my brow, of looking forward to air conditioning, of having all my comforting things around me, of my comfy living room with the black leather sofa, of the ceiling fans in the 'upstairs-living room', of when i can get the car out again, when's the best time to go to St. Greg's, who should i ask out on my midnight jog tonight, or whether or not to head over to Ivanna's or Sarah's for the night... of whether i should have 'zhok' in chinatown or roti prata or sliced fish beehoon for supper, of whether or not i should go to zouk with the girls, of whether or not there's bought-breakfast for tomorrow morning, of whether or not weiming would be using the computer, etc etc...

first the thought, then the rain. cows on the field a portent of rain... what then, is rain a portent of??